Pub Quizzes, Auditions & Meditation
All of these things make me feel like I need to go in, deliver and come out with the goods. Efficiency, focus and on task. I like to get shit done. For two of those things that pedal to the metal attitude can sometimes work in my favour. But for many things in life (including that M-word) it can work to my detriment.
Meditation has always sounded like a good idea to me. Sit doing nothing and feel zen AF afterwards? Sign me up! For a long time my "meditation" was forced and strained. I started with closed eyes and big expectations. When I came to the end of the 5, 10, 20 minutes and didn’t feel like Zen Master Jay I was convinced it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t meditate, it just isn’t in my nature. I am too busy, too distracted, too (insert excuse here). I was forcing it. I’m a yoga teacher, this should be easy for me. This should be part of my daily practice. This should, should should…
Eventually after one too many twitchy meditation sessions thinking about what I was going to have for lunch or why I sat cross legged and not on my shins (or whatever other appealing distraction crept in) I realised I had started to dread this “task” of meditation. A few pennies dropped when a friend of mine said that meditation works best if approached as something we want to do for ourselves rather than something we have to do (it actually did make my to-do list several times. Ridiculous). It can be a treat, rather than a task.
The word meditation had become so loaded with all sorts of pressure and expectation. Fresh start. I’ve stopped using it. Now I pause. It might be a five minute pause or a twenty minute pause. No pressure to become enlightened and float off. No expectations of becoming a better teacher, person, yogi. No need to deliver. Just a pause. Stopping. Dialling down the busyness. So far it’s feeling easier, less strained and actually a welcome break.
We can all pause.
Do I have eyelids? ✓
Can I breathe? ✓